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Return Forever

by The Fourth Wall

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1.
All that I wanted was you Destroyed So much that all I’d do Was hold you With every rage you return In dreams What interrupts the dream Becomes the dream Thought you were the enemy I recreate you endlessly All that I wanted passed through Your glance To fall like a thousand tears That hold you Close to the heart or bursts The dream What interrupts the dream Becomes the dream Thought you were the enemy I recreate you endlessly I recreate you endlessly
2.
Never A Part 03:57
I walked through your house While everyone’s asleep Thumbed through rows of books Filled with words I couldn’t read Wondered where you are When trouble finds your dreams Too afraid to ask What our resonances mean I never wanted you to be So far from me You can change the words you speak Not the blood you bleed And if you turn away from me You’ll never be a part of whatever they are You’ll never be a part of whatever they are You’ll never be a part of whatever they are You’ll never be a part of whatever they are Won’t you hold me close So I can rest assured That there’s no words to say That undoes all the hurt Or time enough to learn Why my love for you returns I never wanted you to be So far from me The world I had to give to you Was always shattering So I had to turn away We’ll never be a part of whatever they are We’ll never be a part of whatever they are We’ll never be a part of whatever they are We’ll never be a part of whatever they are
3.
Turn To You 04:56
I turn to you Who dream the right dream I turn for the feeling Truth for a shadow For a shadow maker I could dream forever Scratch at the surface All I could touch Feel a resistance Get caught in the rush I can’t hold off for first causes I need your malice fleshing out the losses I turn to you To be my devil To inflict the first wound Will you carry the dead horse If nothing matters But the way I shatter I can’t hold off the wave of reaction You’re all that’s left, grief over nothing It’s a lost cause to know why I need you I dream of your envy you’re the one I return to
4.
It would take some years to start looking back Once I board that plane, there’s no faster engine That will drive away the memory of rain Against your window pane as you forget my name Now that all is lost I can't lose that loss Now that all is lost I can't lose that loss Now that all is lost I can't lose that loss Now that all is lost I can't lose that loss If I hold you close for the last time Before the memory survives When I return to you as a stranger There'll be no tears Now that all is lost I can't lose that loss Now that all is lost I can't lose that loss Now that all is lost I can't lose that loss Now that all is lost I can't lose that loss There will be no tears for me, darling Not for less than a memory When I return belonging to an elsewhere To an elsewhere You could be all I need, but I won't let you in You know you're all I need, but I won't let you in This door was made for you, but I won't let you in This door was made for you, but I won't let you in
5.
I could make this an elsewhere And close my eyes You don't need to love me Just to get by Might not be the real thing But it's no lie Opiate of the masses I won't be left behind When the vector curves westward Scraping me clean Will it take a whole lifetime To return you to me I can never tell If I repeat what I repel Become the heart of darkness to quell The darkness just to start it all again You'd think it's all history It's not even past You don't have to love me For the ghost to last I can never tell If I repeat what I repel Become the heart of darkness to quell The darkness just to start it all again When the light comes through the window And ricochets Off of your shoulder blades And constellates A new map of the cosmos A new world at risk Too near to be a fantasy Too far to exist
6.
Rise and fall Water finds its level every time It’s rising up To swallow you in rivers I see a shape Bursting in gradations at the lines I need the joy To keep it all together There’s a tide that carries away Grain by grain What exposed the fracture plane To the tenderest rain Or compressed the hour into A crystalline sense that cuts its way to you On and on I turn into the matter you displace So I need your love To stay here for a time It cuts a shape In canyons stretched across the empty space You hold a place In a roar of afterglow There’s a tide that carries away Grain by grain The fibers that light the brain In an echoing pain What compressed the hour into A crystalline sense that cuts its way to you A tear caught the light from a moonbeam Crushed colors into a glance I wonder what you were remembering What turned ringing bells into hands Marking out a space I can’t enter A thought I must not understand
7.
Only the Joy 03:50
I recall you had eyes just like mine Leaving your memory took so little time Only the joy passed through Only the joy passed through Glow through the panes Dust on the glass Light filled the room where I saw you last Let only the joy pass through Only the joy pass through You won’t remember your arms outstretched All I had to offer was a way to forget I can’t wait I can’t wait I can’t wait until Only the joy passed through Only the joy passed through Only the joy Only the joy Leaving the country, if I ran too fast I lingered at the entrance where I saw you last Only the joy passed through Only the joy passed through You might have loved me, if I gave you the chance Repeating the moment the die was cast I won’t rest I won’t rest I won’t rest until Only the joy passed through Only the joy Only the joy passed through Only the joy
8.
Conatus 06:41
Your flowers are beginning to bloom And I’m recalling the first time You held me in your arms Watching you drift to sleep Light slowly filled the room New love on the move The world gets eroded away When I hear you moving like water Your waves crash at my shore Hold me close before you let go I will be waiting for you to come home Scattered my desires Out into the blue Nothing holds a candle It all returns to you No one makes the world The way you make it bloom Longing to persist, love Conatus built for two Maybe the dream is dead Even if I wanna keep believing That you’ll return to me I know you have a new love, babe And I can’t change your feelings With you my heart remains If this is our last stand Turn on Morel’s machine For you I’d sing the swan song forever Hold me close before you let go I will be waiting for you to come home If I’m loving you completely Then I’ll love your desires Even if it isn’t me, love For whom you hold a fire Go on light a candle New love on the move I will still persist, love Conatus made for you
9.
No Daggers 04:07
Must it always hurt For the wheels to turn Can I love you still without any daggers When our plans go awry And the end is behind us The brightest moments will return forever Will your hands find rest Holding all that’s left Of a face whose tears won’t let the grief remember No one has to understand it all or forgive it all When the codes reset forgetting all to save it all I’ll still remember you You’re my brightest one I can’t give you up This could be the ending But you return forever Living on the fence Nothing to recover Obliterate the stasis You return forever They’ll decode the flows New regime of pleasure But you’re my brightest love You return forever

about

What is the price we pay for joy, and is it worth it? The thread of this question runs taut through The Fourth Wall’s Return Forever, a fever dream of a record that unearths unresolved complexities of the immigrant experience in nine chapters. Throughout the album, songwriter Stephen Agustin circles a fire that feels so bright and yet so unknowable; there are not many answers to be found, only a disruption, the emergence of a world seen with new eyes.
Return Forever was first inspired by a moment in Agustin’s family history in which he learned that a close relative had left behind a young daughter when she moved to the United States, turning away from her past life and creating one anew. Shocked though he was, Agustin soon became fascinated with the idea of the “poetry of forgetfulness.”
“There was almost a way in which the impulse to revise or destroy history became a condition for achieving this joyous state.” He says. It was a theme he would begin to see over and over again: in the way he saw immigrant families assimilating into the United States, or in the way he saw his own parents and grandparents—who were from Korea and the Philippines—harbor so little resentment towards America despite the traumatic history of war and colonization it has with those countries. Lush, cinematic, and bold, The Fourth Wall paints the paradox of the exchange of joy for memory so perfectly. Driven by Agustin’s mastery of electric guitar soundscapes and the distorted, impassioned harmonies he shares with the band’s newest member Kendall Sallay, Return Forever is a journey that somehow captures the unfathomable. It is hair-raising, powerful, gorgeous.

-Maria Maita-Keppeler

credits

released March 15, 2024

All music written by The Fourth Wall / All Lyrics written by Stephen Agustin

The Fourth Wall:
Stephen Agustin: Vocals, Guitars, Piano, Synths, Samples
Kasey Campbell-Shun: Guitars, Baritone Guitar, Noises
Kendall Sallay: Vocals
Andrew White: Drums, Percussion
Chris Wobb-Lau: Bass Guitar

Tenor Saxophone on ‘Conatus’ played by Sean Barry

Recorded, Produced and Mixed by Stephen Agustin
Mastered by Matthew Thompson at Ivy League Recording

Album artwork and design by DB Amorin

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The Fourth Wall Portland, Oregon

Melodic noise-rock from Portland via Hawaii.

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